STUPID CELEBRITY QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I think (psychiatry is) an utter waste of time. There’s nothing scientific about it. Communication is a good thing but I think people get more mentally out of having a good meal or going for a walk. I think psychiatry should be outlawed.” --Tom Cruise, uninformed Scientologist

I’m ready to hate Tom Cruise again. Is he for real? “You say you’re on the verge of suicide? Why don’t you go take a stroll in the park or get a chili cheese coney.” Cruise himself might need some psych treatment shortly when he fails to get nominated for an Oscar for “The Last Samurai.” Or does Scientology have some doohickey that gets rid of depression by placing your hands on an electronic box and zapping you with a dose of L. Ron Positrons?

AT THE MOVIES
Two new films open today. One is “Chasing Liberty,” the latest Mandy Moore vehicle and the first of two “Presidential daughter falling in love” movies hitting theaters this month (the other stars Katie
Holmes). Girls will see it for the romance angle; guys will see it to ogle Mandy. It doesn’t matter, as long as they’re seeing that and not “My Baby’s Daddy,” which looks like a strong candidate for 2004’s Worst Movie of the Year. Eddie Griffin, Anthony Anderson and that one guy from “The Sopranos” who should be thanking God that “The Sopranos” isn’t over yet star in what looks like an urban remake of “Three Men and a Baby,” except that there are three babies. That’s three times
the hilarity, right? All the jokes you’d expect - a baby pees in his face! - are present. How did this ever skip UPN and get to be a major motion picture?

HERE’S SOMETHING YOU DON’T HEAR EVERYDAY
But yesterday I had someone tell me:
“Oh, yeah, I know you. I entered your name in a background check.”

MARQUEE MADNESS
Spotted on my local McDonald’s marquee:
“NOW ACCEPTING REESES MCFLURRY”

TEEVEE TIP
Hitch Daily reader Jason alerts to the Sunday-night start of Season 2 of the WB’s “The Surreal Life,” the reality series that puts a bunch of celebrity B- and C-listers in a Hollywood mansion for a couple of weeks. I didn’t see the show last year because I am allergic to Corey Feldman, but this year’s lineup sounds promising: Tammy Faye Messner, Vanilla Ice, porn star Ron Jeremy, MTV “Real World” grad Trishelle, “Baywatch” second-stringer Traci Bingham and Erik Estrada.

OFF THE SHELF
The last time I had bought a book at a grocery store was in 1984. But yesterday while I was filling a cart with food for the fam, I spotted Dan Brown’s “Digital Fortress" on the paperback rack for $5. Having read and enjoyed “The Da Vinci Code” last spring, I thought, “I think I’d like to read this in a couple of months after I get through some other books on the pile,” and bought it. Then I went to pick up my son from school and I was a few minutes early so I thought, “Well, I’ll just read the first few pages while I’m waiting.” Twelve hours and 254 pages later, I’m totally hooked. It’s a techno-thriller about a female NSA cryptographer who has the save the country when an unbreakable code falls into their hands from an enemy. Only it’s a *lot* more complicated than that. This isn’t Pulitzer material or anything, but Brown is a genius for breaking up his chapters into about three pages apiece and throwing a conflict into the end of every one of him, thus piling them up and leaving most of them unresolved to the very end. In other words, it’s very hard to put down. ***censored*** you, Dan Brown!

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