PAUL IS DEAD (TIRED)
Paul McCartney is a daddy again at the age of 61, as wife Heather Mills gave birth to a boy. The tot has both his legs, one phenomenal trust fund and, judging from this picture, an absolutely incredible breastfeeding experience ahead of him.

I WANT TO BE THE GIRL WITH THE MOST JAIL TIME
What a month it’s been for Courtney Love! First she overdoses, is arrested for two minor drug counts and now arrested again on two counts of illegal possession and having her abilities as a parent questioned! A report asked if things could get any worse for the fabulously overrated singer, to which I say: Yes. She could have Edward Norton back hanging around the house.

I’D PARAPHRASE A LYRIC HERE IF IT WEREN’T SO PAINFUL
The other day while at Best Buy, I had the unfortunate experience of having to hear The Ataris’ cover of Don Henley’s “The Boys of Summer” (just hearing the original is bad enough in my book). Then, about two hours later, I had the unfortunate experience of hearing it AGAIN at Taco Bell. My shopping and eating experiences were ruined that day.

ILL-ADVISED HEADLINE OF THE MONTH
From a report on Clay Aiken and Rod Stewart’s record sales: “Clay Rams Rod on Chart”
Wait, lemme guess the subhead! “Gallon of Semen Removed in ER”?

TEEVEE TIP
Some Halloween cable programming of note beyond the usual played-to-death (and edited-to-death) movies, all airing sometime tomorrow: “The Haunted History of Halloween” delves into just that (innocent fun or Satan’s birthday?), on the History Channel; Sci-Fi’s “Scare Tactics Halloween Special” revisits the series’ spookiest moments and shows you pranks that went awry; and E!’s “True Hollywood Story” focuses on the making of Wes Craven’s influential smash-hit “Scream.”

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