USA, 2004
Director: Jonathan Hensleigh
Cast: Tom Jane, John Travolta

To help introduce cinema audiences to its Punisher – a relatively obscure character not on the household-name level of Spider-Man – Marvel Comics is giving away copies of the 1974 Amazing Spider-Man in which he first appeared to ticketholders. Quaint though the four-color comic is, it was more entertaining than the movie.

Even worse, it’s not half the movie as the first Punisher movie, the much-maligned, straight-to-video 1990 effort starring Dolph Lundgren. Hated by many, I’ve always admired it on a purely B-movie level and felt it was unnecessarily shelved. It’s violent, it’s fun and Dolph is a badass.

And Thomas Jane is not. At least not here. The hero of Deep Blue Sea is the antihero of The Punisher as Frank Castle, a FBI agent who calls it quits after too many grueling undercover jobs, the most recent of which resulted in the accidental death of the son of über-rich businessman Howard Saint, played by John Travolta, here fully ensconced in his honey-baked ham mode of Swordfish, Basic and, well, any role he’s overacted in the past 10 years.

As payback, Saint – oh, the irony! – orders the assassination of Castle and his entire family, conveniently assembled in one place for a family reunion. The entire Castle clan eats it – wife and son included – but Castle himself somehow manages to survive. Donning the black, skull-emblazoned T-shirt his son opportunely gifted him before dying, he calls himself The Punisher, outfits his car and apartment with weapons galore and sets out to take down Saint and all his expensive-suited goons.

There are so many things that feel wrong about The Punisher, it’s hard to know where to start. Making his debut as director, Armageddon screenwriter Jonathan Hensleigh gives his revenge tale an ugly grit that’s supposed to remind audiences of the pistol-packin’ ‘70s, but unfortunately, his story and pacing are reminiscent of ‘70s episodic cop shows. The dialogue is melodramatic and goofy; the score is overwrought and inappropriate. And Jane doesn’t get to do
much punishing.

Aside from the final office-building siege in which Castle doles out some ***censored***-kicking (and neck-penetrating and chin-stabbing), the action is subdued rather than exciting. The film’s big fight scene is supposed to be a mano y mano match between Castle and a mute walking steroid known as “the Russian,” but it’s hard not to laugh since he’s dressed like Baby Huey.

The Punisher is one of the last movies that needs comic relief, but lo and behold, it throws in not one, but two wacky neighbors! It also doesn’t need romance, but Rebecca Romijn-Stamos is there anyway as a heartbroken, downtrodden waitress who takes a shine to Castle. It’s not that the film needs eye candy with Mulholland Drive hussy Laura Harring bouncing across the screen, but what was Hensleigh thinking when he cuts away from her undressing to lingerie?

I’ll assume punishment, just in keeping with the theme of this disappointing film. This character deserves better – and got it, back in 1990. It may not have had John Travolta getting dragged by a car and set on fire, but it had stylized action, down-and-dirty thrills and Dolph, kicking ***censored*** for a good portion of the running time.

Review by Rod Lott.

USA 2004
Director: Guillermo Del Toro
Cast: Ron Perlman, Selma Blair

During World War II, the Nazis create a device that opens a portal to hell, through which they extract a baby demon whom they intend to use in their quest for world domination. But a kindly British professor rescues him, names him – wait for it – Hellboy and raises him to do good, battling monsters for the super-secretive U.S. Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense.

And so goes Guillermo del Toro’s adaptation of the quirky Dark Horse Comics series, with Ron Perlman headlining as the red-skinned, rock-handed, horn-filed, Baby Ruth-eating devil with a heart (and soul) of gold.

Like a supernatural mix of X-Men and Ghostbusters, the film has Hellboy and his fellow mutant pals – fishman Abe Sapien (voiced by David Hyde Pierce) and pyrotechnic Liz Sherman (the sour-faced Selma Blair) – battling slimy, tentacled monsters straight outta those old H.P. Lovecraft pulp stories. And, unfortunately, they fight and fight the same race of creatures over and over again, lending the movie a shiny sheen of repetition, offering only a half-handed attempt at a love story to bookend the action sequences.

Those action scenes are fun – after all, what fun is a comic-book movie if it can’t resemble a comic book, but they also serve to highlight the movie’s shortcomings. And, as with every del Toro film – including Mimic, Blade II and even The Devil’s Backbone – it’s the story, stupid. Though a fantastic
visualist, del Toro can’t quite seem to flesh out ideas into actual, A-to-B plot. Motivations float like MacGuffins, details feel like dressing.

With talking corpses and a sword-equipped, masked Nazi running via clockwork, all the elements for a cinematic ride are here. All that’s missing is the story to get us involved on an emotional level instead of strictly the visceral. In the role of his life, Perlman tries his hardest, imbuing the Hellboy
character with a tortured loneliness, but the movie fades to black just as his emotions come to the forefront.

For something with so little story, Hellboy is overlong at two hours. I’m convinced that if shaved by about a quarter, del Toro would have a true winner on his fat little hands. Instead, he has merely a slightly above-average contender.

Review by Rod Lott.

USA, 2004
Director: Christopher Erskin
Score: ***

JOHNSON FAMILY VACATION, the first full length feature starring the popular Black comic Cedric the Entertainer (BARBERSHOP and BIG MOMMA’S HOUSE), takes the stereotype of middle America - the family vacation on a road trip - one step further.  Nate Johnson (Cedric) sets out in a Lincoln Navigator with three unruly children and his estranged wife, Dorothy (Vanessa Williams) cross country to Missouri in order to win the much coveted Johnson Reunion Family of the Year award. 

Cedric, his face contorted to extremes by the strain of having to keep everything in control, encounters mishap after mishap such as being chased by an 18-wheeler, trapped in a hot tub by sex-craved fat women, hounded by a voodoo hitchhiker (Shannon Elizabeth).  But he is no angel either.  When not flirting with other women, he torments his son (Bow Wow) and daughter (Solange Knowles) disallowing them any freedom of any kind.  Director Christopher Erskin’s film, however, is funny enough, as Cedric and gang keep the visual gags coming fast and furious.  And if the humor on disasters is not enough, the jokes on family values, rap versus funk music and those on pure nonsense (Cedric also playing the womanizing Uncle Earl) add to the entertainment.  There are sections of the script by brothers Todd and Earl Jones that work clumsily, particularly those dealing with interaction among the family members like the re-conciliation between Nate and Dorothy or the part involving the youngest daughter, Destiny’s (Gabby Soleil) outgrowing her imaginary puppy phase.  The comedy works best and at its most outrageous when Cedric is allowed a free run doing his routines be it funky dancing or spitting out of one-liners.

The VACATION cast is fantastic.  Besides Cedric, gifted with the ability to make even the unfunny lines laughable, the much younger Bow Wow playing D.J., his son (the youngest solo rapper ever to hit #1 in the charts) makes perfect pairing as observed in the first 10 minutes of the film opening.  The film also celebrates the best of Black mores while simultaneously poking fun at religion and music.  Though VACATION may a few clichéd segments, the laugh-out loud moments and the ending combo funk/rap dance number are sufficient to make JOHNSON FAMILY VACATION worth a trip to the theatre.

Review by Gilbert Seah.

Canada, 2003
Director: Jean-Francois Pouliot
Score: ***

Who says Canada does not make feel-good commercial films the way Britain does with THE FULL MONTY and BILLY ELLIOT? From Quebec, in the same vein as LES BOYS and LES BOYS 2 AND 3 comes a story of the underdog trying to make it good. It is the little harbor village of St. Marie that is depleted out of fishing (so true to the Atlantic provinces) that is trying to attract a company to build a factory on the island. Trouble is that there is one condition – there must be a resident doctor.  Hence, the villagers try their best to seduce (or lie) to Dr. Lewis that everything is a bed of roses there.  Similarities abound in the depiction of St Marie when compared to the coastal village of WAKING NED DEVINE – the equivalent Irish box-office success. 

Pouliot’s film is entertaining, topical but a bit too manipulative, as is the fault of many feel good commercial films. Quebecois will probably enjoy this film more owing to its local nuances and brand of humor but still, it is a fun comedy for the not so demanding viewer.

Review by Gilbert Seah.

When Cameron Crowe’s Say Anything… came out, I was a senior in high school with straight As and thus, absolutely no chance of having a girlfriend. In other words, hopeless. But seeing that film infused me with a sense of hope and joy that continues to this very day. I got the same vibe from watching The Girl Next Door, even if the old teen comedy it most resembles is Risky Business.

Emile Hirsch (The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys) stars as Matthew, a straight-and-narrow high school senior with dreams of getting a scholarship to Georgetown. Even though he resents the popular crowd and their seemingly carefree lifestyle, he longs to be accepted by someone outside of his small nerd clique.

Enter Danielle (24’s Elisha Cuthbert), housesitting next door for a couple of weeks. Though his initial impression of her is solely lustful (having watched her undress through the window from his room), he quickly discovers – and wins – her heart, and life is perfect.

And then he finds out she’s a porn star. And after the fallout that occurs, he doesn’t simply get back on track academically – he decides their relationship is worth saving. The only thing that stands in his way is her smarmy, drug-addled agent (Timothy “Kids love trains” Olyphant, seemingly channeling Bill Paxton for this film’s Guido the Killer Pimp role), who makes life increasingly difficult for Matthew, including matters of assault, breaking-and-entering and monetary theft. In order to save his own hide and the girl he loves, Matthew enlists his friends to embark on a secretive project that utilizes the prurient talents of Danielle’s peers, although not in the manner you may be led to
believe.

That the film appears to take a third-act “moral fiber” turnaround is just one of its many strengths. It is funny in a way that deftly recalls John Hughes’ body of work and not the recent rash of “oops, my penis got stuck” gross-out gags that pass for humor these days. It is smart, dark and, above all,
heartfelt. It’s odd to think that such a porno-centric movie could be emotionally touching, but that’s exactly what director Luke Greenfield (in a wholly different league than his The Animal debut) has pulled off. (And bonus points to Greenfield for scoring his film with the likes of Echo and the Bunnymen and David Gray instead of the usual rap-rock and alternabrats with numbers in their
snot-nosed names.)

Hirsch and Cuthbert are completely winning in their roles. It’s not a stretch of the imagination to think that Hirsch would fall for her and vice versa, even if the movie completely avoids the nagging issue of her whoredom. But because he simply and unconditionally accepts who she is, we have to as well, instead of looking down on her – much like Tom Cruise did with Rebecca DeMornay. This isn’t just this generation’s Risky Business – it pretty much is Risky Business, in tone, in style and in smarts.

To paraphrase Olyphant’s character, the juice is well worth the squeeze.

Review by Rod Lott.