Stop me if you’ve heard this one: Elvis and JFK go into a nursing home. There’s a mummy there who sucks the souls out of old people’s butts. They fight him. Only that’s not a joke; it’s the premise of “Bubba Ho-Tep,” an instant cult classic from director Don Coscarelli, creator of the “Phantasm” and “Beastmaster” films. It’s not as outrageous as it sounds, but it’s still like nothing you’ve ever seen.

Bruce Campbell stars as Elvis, who didn’t really die back in the ‘70s (he switched places with an impersonator to escape the trappings of fame and a broken heart, you see) and lives a miserable, bed-ridden life at the Shady Rest Retirement Village in Mud Creek, Texas. He has bitterness in his heart, legs that require a walker and a pus-filled growth on the tip of his penis. At night he hears strange noises and has visions of his fellow elderly dying. One night, he gets up to pee and has to fight not only incontinence but the biggest, ugliest scarab beetle you’ve ever seen. ("Never ***censored*** with the King,” he tells the bug before spearing and electrocuting it.) Elvis wonders what’s what, and is filled in by the inquisitive, knowledgeable mind of President Kennedy, played by the esteemed African-American actor Ossie Davis—a move explained simply when he says, “They dyed me this way.”

Thanks to the clues he’s been able to find—like hieroglyphics in the visitor’s toilet stall—he reasons the place is being invaded at night by a cursed Egyptian mummy wearing cowboy boots who feeds off the Medicaid-funded residents’ souls. They decide, after a fearful encounter with the monster, to do something about it. ("Ask not what your rest home can do for you,” Elvis implores to Jack, “but what you can do for your rest home.") The rest home scenario is well used. Though the house is dressed to look foreboding and creepy, the various residents they depict aren’t far off from what you’d find roaming the urine-stenched halls of your local long-term care center, from my brief vocational experience with them. The Kemosabe character who wears a Lone Ranger mask and brandishes two cap guns reminded me of a guy they called “the Sheriff,” who wheeled around the place day and night wearing a vest and a badge and carrying a toy weapon in his holster. The plump woman who steals can be found in every center. The only thing they didn’t show were the nursing home sluts.

For the record, as much time as I’ve spent in these places, I never saw a mummy. And for me, the mummy is really secondary to “Bubba,” almost like a bonus. You could take him completely out of the movie, and you’d still have this great story about this friendship between these two old men.
Both Campbell and Davis are believable and play their characters very well, even above the level of the material, but Campbell deserves special attention because he gives a true performance that we’re not accustomed to seeing him give in the likes of the “Evil Dead” movies. When it’s all said and done, “Bubba” is efficient for its low budget, funny and—gasp!—even poignant.

Rod Lott writes about pop culture, annoying celebrities and life’s other absurdities every day at Hitch Daily and he also publishes the long-running Hitch:The Journal of Pop Culture Absurdity which is actually made out of paper.

If you’re ever attended a concert by the Flaming Lips, you’ll know that the experience transcends any experience that you would normally label a “concert.” This quirky alt-rock band doesn’t simply perform the songs from their latest album. Instead, they bring their songs to live in a mind-bending multimedia sensory assault comprised of huge video screens, balloons the size of mini vans and dozens of people dressed up in animal costumes. There’s no way to put the experience down in writing, but it’s essentially like the best party you’ve ever been to—a party that combines incredible music, art and audience interaction. By the time the experience is over, you feel exhausted but exhilarated and convinced that maybe the human race isn’t so bad after all.

I realize that sounds kind of lofty and maybe even pretentious to say about a “rock concert.” But since I took in my first Flaming Lips show earlier this year, none of my artistic or pop culture experiences have even come close to matching it.

But now I’ve seen Return of the King. 

By now you know all about Peter Jackson’s ambitious cinematic project The Lord of The Rings. You’ve probably also already seen the first two films. If you don’t like them, you’re not going to like the third one and nothing I can do is going to change your mind.

While I greatly enjoyed the first two films in this trilogy, Return takes the series to an entirely new level. It is better than Fellowship and Two Towers, but at the same time it adds power to those films making them stronger than they were individually. Right now, I think it’s hard to see what Jackson has accomplished with The Lord of the Rings. Sure, it’s made a massive amount of money, and people love it. But the films themselves are currently obscured by all the hype that surrounds them. They will have a long life, particularly with the Extended DVD editions which are actually far superior to the theatrical versions. Ultimately, we will not see The Lord of the Rings as a trilogy at all, but a single, spectacular 10+ hour film.

When we began our journey with these characters they were really nothing more than fantasy archetypes: hobbits, elves, dwarves, wizards and sword-wielding warriors.  The characters were quickly thrown together on a quest that involved fighting lots of monsters, which was pretty cool, but seemed more appropriate for a session of a geeky role-playing game than a ground-breaking cinematic epic. They were on a quest to destroy a ring, which sounded simple enough. But as the story progressed, things became more dangerous and complicated. Gradually, Jackson fleshed out the characters and the world they were a part of. He also illuminated the addictive power of the Ring.

Even in the mostly light-hearted first film, we have the sense that we are building up to something huge. We know that Frodo’s quest will ultimately take him to Mount Doom and we know that there will be a huge battle. But who could have predicted the ending would be this huge or this devastating. (I guess people who have read the books).

Now the story is at it’s darkest point. As Frodo, Sam and Gollum draw closer to Mount Doom, a massive army of orcs is attacking Minas Tirith. Gandalf must rally the forces of Minas Tirith to defend their city while their deranged King feasts and tries to burn his son alive. Meanwhile, Aragorn realizes that he cannot escape his destiny and must assume his rightful place as King of Gondor. The stakes are higher than they have ever been before and everyone involved is convinced that this will be the end. As these characters contemplate their fates, Jackson uses these moments to crack open the human core of this story.

Jackson keeps the story tightly focused on these characters even though most of the film is consumed by the biggest, most insane battle sequence ever depicted on film. It’s almost hard to comprehend. There are probably hundreds of thousands of warriors, giant trolls, medieval weaponry, prehistoric elephants flying nazgul, giant eagles and ghosts. This could have easily deteriorated in a load of Star Wars-y CGI nonsense, but instead it feels like the most elaborate monster fight Ray Harryhausen never got a chance to direct.

By the end of the film, Jackson has brilliantly resolved all the story-lines and character arcs. There are many classic moments in this film: Eowyn defending her dying uncle against the witch-king… the reforging of the sword that was broken ... Legolas climbing an elephant and kicking ***censored*** ... the giant spider attack ... the arrival of the eagles ... There are too many powerful sequences to mention and they are all set against a backdrop that is so amazing and so detailed you simply can’t take it all in. For the conclusion to his epic, Jackson has more than delivered the goods. He has exceeded all expectations. The only real downer is that we’ve been on this adventure for two years ... and now… it’s over.

In time, I will no doubt find flaws in this film, but right now it’s just too early and I am still too overwhelmed to look at any of the negative aspects. There was applause at the end of the movie, but once people started leaving the theater, there was hardly any conversation. That’s how overwhelming the movie is. 

Personally, I’ve spent a lot of time watching and thinking about movies and I’ve grown quite cynical about movies in general and big-budget spectacles in particular. The Lord of the Rings managed to break through that cynicism and tap into the dream-like power of fantastic cinema in a way I haven’t experienced since I was a kid. These films have tapped into something deep for me. They bring back memories of watching King Kong on my grandparent’s black and white TV. Memories of watching Sinbad fight armies of jerky stop-motion skeletons. Memories of waiting in line with my mom and brother for the first showing of Superman:The Movie and The Empire Strikes Back. This is the stuff that turned me into an addict in the first place.

I’ll admit this review is probably overly-sentimental, but rest assured, I’ll get back to being a cynical ***censored*** soon enough.

*****

“You better get on before you get jumped on! I’m so bad I kick my own ***censored*** twice a day!” the Creeper, a local heroin addict, famously known as Hamburger Pimp warns Dolemite. He knows everything that goes on the street and more while he is hustling hamburgers. He is one of the colorful characters that is featured in Dolemite.

Here is the plot. Dolemite is supposed to clean up the street. That’s it. The great thing about this is that he really did NOTHING that he was supposed to do, I think. If you carefully follow the plot, which is quite hard to do, you will notice.  But he does everything that a blaxploitation hero must do. Dress like pimp, get down with hoes, do some karate action, take out shady white cops and so on.

Dolemite is a truly fantastic film. This is a true independent low budget blaxploitation film that lives on forever. There is much to be said about this film. The film could possibly end up to be just a showcase for Rudy’s wardrobes if it weren’t for Hamburger Pimp. He is the only person in the film who provided a truly amazing and believable performance as an addict. ***censored***, I even thought he was the real thing. He is that good.  You will never see anyone hustle hamburger quite like him in any film. It is truly sad to see him get shot in his chest.  What was Rudy was thinking? Come to think of it, if he didn’t die, he wouldn’t be as legendary as he has become. Plus, when Rudy made this film he didn’t even consider doing a sequel.

Well, if you love blaxploitation, I am sure you have seen it. How could you not? If you only know Shaft, Superfly, Foxy Brown and The Mack and think you had enough-think again and check it out. Your life will be forever changed.

Buy it at Amazon.com!

Rent DVDs Online from Netflix - Try it for FREE!

Shogo is an award-award winning filmmaker currently hard at work on a new project. Someday he will have a website that we can link to.

I figure any movie that begins with a Pixies song can’t be all that bad. And “Stuck on You” isn’t. In fact, it’s quite good—another funny, sweet and politically uncorrect (but never demeaning) film from The Farrelly Brothers, still best known for hanging semen from Ben Stiller’s ear in “There’s Something about Mary.” The joke is that brothers Bob and Walt Tenor (Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear) are Siamese twins. They seem fairly well-adjusted to the unique situation that nature has put them in and are popular guys around Martha’s Vineyard, where they live and make a living flipping burgers. But Walt is a budding thespian, currently putting on a one-man show about Truman Capote. And when the acting bug bites hard—despite Bob’s penchant for on-stage panic attacks—the boys move to Hollywood so that Walt can chase his dream.

Unfortunately, the market for conjoined twins is limited in Tinseltown, and the boys are the laughingstock of every agency they set their four feet in. Through luck and sneaky circumstances, Walt lands the male lead in a new detective series opposite Cher (playing herself), and though the director has difficulty keeping Bob out of frame, the series becomes a hit. Success has a price, however, taking a toll on Bob’s relationship with his Asian Internet girlfriend while limiting Walt’s acting opportunities. Eventually, Bob and Walt wonder if separation is the answer to their problems or just another problem to add to the list.

If “Stuck on You” sounds like a love story—not between two brothers and the women who love them, but just between the two brothers—yeah, it kinda is. But it’s a very funny one; this is, after all, the Farrellys we’re talking about. Those two know how to mix outrageous humor with an endearing sweetness. Whereas most comedies just play mean, the Farrellys can generate big laughs that often originate in the heart. They have a genuine love for their characters, whether they be conjoined twins, retarded busboys, sleazy Hollywood managers or—most frightening of all—Cher. In a real change-of-pace role for him, Damon is good. But Kinnear is terrific, with a semi-smarmy presence and his expert comic timing. He’s really underrated as a comic actor. In the eye-candy role, Latino “It Girl” Eva Mendes shows a real flair for playing a hot, dumb babe with a bosom with mesmeric powers. Seymour Cassell does an amusing turn as Walt’s two-bit agent, who lives in a retirement home, rides around on a motorized scooter and sports the lamest toupee ever seen onscreen.

For the first half-hour, I thought it was merely okay, but the more it went on, the funnier it became and I ultimately liked it a lot. So how does “Stuck on You” rate in the Farrelly oeuvre? It may not be their best (that’s “Kingpin” and, to a lesser degree, “Mary"), but I’d put it up there alongside “Me, Myself & Irene.” It’s certainly better than “Dumb & Dumber” or “Shallow Hal.” The Brothers continue to prove they’re not much in the directorial department, but they know how to deliver laughs. I’ll happily get in line for them every time.

Rod Lott writes about pop culture, annoying celebrities and life’s other absurdities every day at Hitch Daily and he also publishes the long-running Hitch:The Journal of Pop Culture Absurdity which is actually made out of paper.

Before Ben Stiller was a household name, he had the lowest-rated show on network TV and also the funniest. For some reason, The Ben Stiller Show never caught on, despite rave reviews, and FOX canned it after 12 episodes. The rest is sweet history, however: It later won an Emmy for writing, launched a handful of Hollywood careers and now, finally, is preserved forever on DVD.

On the surface, Stiller is just another sketch comedy show. But there was a youthful exuberance to the whole affair that, coupled with great performances and often-brilliant writing, made the show worthy of being mentioned today in the same breath as SCTV, The Kids in the Hall or the best of Saturday Night Live.

Stiller – also acting as a writer, director and producer – served as host, palling around town with that week’s random guest star (running the gamut of Garry Shandling to Bobcat Goldthwait) and introducing the filmed and taped bits that featured himself, Janeane Garofalo, Bob Odenkirk and Andy Dick, all of whom were then unknowns. What a difference a decade makes.

Stiller got the gig partly because of a well-received The Color of Money parody that aired on SNL, so it seems fitting that the first episode kicked off with a movie lampoon, which imagined Eddie Munster assuming the Robert DeNiro role in Cape Fear. It’s hilarious, and over the dozen shows that followed, the crew would pull it off again with Die Hard 12: Die Hungry, A Few Good Scouts
and Woody Allen’s Bride of Frankenstein (and even for imaginary films like Stiller’s Andre Agassi in the action vehicle Advantage: Agassi).

The cast parodied TV with equal skill, often biting the hand that fed them. The reality show COPS was placed in ancient Egypt and medieval times, while their melding of several FOX teen shows – Melrose Heights 90210-2402 – resulted in a series high point, detailing a false rumor about a classmate being a cyborg (“Oh, someone made me lunch! Batteries? I am not a robot!”). My favorite bits were the occasional teasers for a nonexistent FOX show called Skank, your average stupid family sitcom, save for the patriarch being a dirty sock with a marked temper and laugh-track-ready catchphrase (“Shut your stinkin’ trap!”).

Other notable targets along the show’s inexplicably short life include U2, acting as breakfast-cereal shills; rap videos; Rescue 911; The Monkees, reimagined as grunge rockers; Wilford Brimley’s oatmeal ads; and obsessive Star Trek fans. As with any sketch program, not everything worked (Amish Studs or the Pig-Latin Lover, anyone?), but the cast was so often daring to be different (Odenkirk doing Charles Manson in a Lassie parody or Stiller doing Al Pacino auditioning for Beethoven, for instance) that the high points far outnumbered the occasional misstep.

Special note must be made of the ad for the children’s Satanic game “Kreepee Board.” With its scenes of demonic possession, virgin sacrifices and a pig’s head on a stick – all involving elementary school children – it has to be the most hysterically subversive thing that ever aired on network television. Except that it didn’t. It was part of the 13th episode that FOX never aired; it surfaced on Comedy Central a couple of years later, and luckily, it’s completely intact on DVD.

This two-disc set features entertaining commentary on select episodes, plus footage from the discarded pilots, several very good deleted scenes (particularly the wrestling spot with Dick doing an expert Charles Nelson Reilly), an E! behind-the-scenes special and scenes from Stiller’s earlier, also short-lived MTV show.

Rod Lott is the publisher of Hitch Magazine: The Journal of Pop Culture Absurdity.