Dickie Roberts:Former Child Star opens as an episode of an E:True Hollywood Story mockumentary. We learn of how young Dickie Roberts became a household name as part of a Brady Bunch-esque sitcom. But as all True Hollywood stories have a tendency to do, this one ends with Dickie down and out and descending into Corey Feldman-esque strangeness (i.e. wearing gloves 24 hours a day and changing his name to “David Soul’s Son").

When the prologue is over and the opening credits roll, we are treated to a Celebrity Boxing match with a grown-up Dickie getting the hell beat out of him by an enraged Emmanuelle Lewis. By the time he gets back to Hollywood, his girlfriend has ditched him, his car is destroyed and his picture is on the cover of every tabloid emblazoned with headlines about how he is Webster’s ***censored***.

With an opening like that, it’s hard not to have high hopes for the rest of the movie. Dickie Roberts shows a lot of promise in it’s first act while it is depicting the world of washed up former stars living in the seedy, desperate gutters of Hollywood. However, in order to get a role in an upcoming Rob Reiner movie, Dickie decides he needs to hire a family, so that he can learn how to be a “real” person. He finds a typical middle-class white bread family and moves in with them. Unfortunately, once Dickie movies to the suburbs, the film quickly deteriorates into saccharine sweet feel good pap.

Basically wacky suburban hijinx ensue, with Dickie learning important life lessons while teaching the kids how to do dance routines and outwit bullies. There are some very funny moments scattered throughout, including a great scene featuring a dead rabbit, but the movie could have been a lot funnier. Instead of making us laugh as hard as possible, Dickie Roberts would rather make us feel warm and fuzzy. It’s this decision to go for schmaltz that makes the movie just as pointless as the sitcoms it satirizes in it’s opening act.

The movie is entertaining and well-made. David Spade is appealing and funny in the latest variation of his scrawny loser everybody hates character. John Lovitz is the highlight of the supporting cast as the agent who is willing to sell a kidney to get his client a role. There is also dozens of notable cameos including Brendan Fraser, Rob Reiner, Screech, Greg Brady, Corey Feldman and Emmanuelle Lewis just to name a few. 

The real highlight of the movie doesn’t happen until the credits start to roll. A group of former child starts gather together to sing a “We are the World” style anthem. The song is funny and sung with a lot of feeling. There’s something almost surreal about watching these aging versions of the little kids you used to watch on television. Most of your favorites are probably here, including a little over half of the Brady Bunch, Arnold and Willis from Diffrent Strokes and Ernie from Three’s Company. And if you were every wondering what happened to Corey Haim, just look for the pasty-faced Michael Myers look-a-like. Creepy!

Director: Sam Weisman
Screenwriter: Fred Wolf, David Spade
Starring: David Spade, Alyssa Milano, Jon Lovitz