Sold via late-night TV commercials, Hollywood Hottest: Body Shots purportedly collects the 30 best nude scenes of all time. This is a terrific idea – I thought of it 10 years ago – but the execution here leaves a lot to be desired.

For one thing, it’s a countdown hosted by some numbskull comedian who thinks he’s hilarious. He’s hilarious-looking (that earring does you no favors, boy), but absolutely humorless and annoying. I’m not going to tell you his name or anything he says because that would only serve to encourage him. Anyway, the effect of him talking between all these nude scenes is like having your grandma stick her head in the door every two minutes while you’re having sex. In other words, ice water.

Secondly, the quality of the clips either scream “bootleg” or “taped off TV.” They’re dark and grainy, and that just defeats the purpose of admiring the female form.

But most of all, the clips they choose are just bizarre. Granted, Jamie Lee Curtis taking it off in Trading Places or Kelly Preston getting her undergarments removed in Mischief do deserve to appear on the list of “30 all-time sexiest nude scenes.” But what random person picked Daryl Hannah in At Play in the Fields of the Lord or Madeline Stowe in China Moon? You just can’t have some rail-thin arty actress like Kristen Scott Thomas make the list while Jennifer Connelly’s Hot Spot exposure goes unnoticed.

The companion tape Love Scenes is more of the same, only a countdown of sex scenes between actors and actresses (not to mention a cameo from Bruce Willis’ penis). But who wants to see Kris Kristofferson or Debra Winger going at it? Not I! Especially when something like Shannon Tweed’s seductress from Hot Dog … The Movie! can’t even make the cut. Nearing the top of the list are Angelina Jolie and Antonio Banderas making it like monkeys in Original Sin. Looking at this, it’s hard to believe they weren’t actually banging for the camera. Also looking at this, it’s hard to believe anyone could take this movie seriously, what with Jolie’s breasts flopping around like they’re trapped in a wind tunnel.

If you must: www.hollywoodshottest.net.