Quick! What was the first martial-arts movie to unspool across American cinemas? Five Fingers of Death? Fists of Fury? Nope! ‘Twas 1961’s no-budget, black-and-white oddity Karate: Hand of Death.

In it, a Yank named Matthew (Joel Holt) is vacationing in Japan when he mysteriously comes into possession of a coin owned by a former Nazi who was murdered via karate chop the previous night. Because said coin contains hidden secrets surrounding the dead man’s fortune, bad guys come out of the woodwork to prey on Matthew; the one pestering him the most is Ivan Mayberry, a near-seven-feet tall homosexual who talks like Mr. Belvedere and smokes all of Matthew’s cigarettes.

Luckily, Matt is skilled in the fine art of karate – black-belt style! Or so says the script. He’s got scars on his knuckles and we see him break a couple of boards, but he doesn’t hit much beyond a teapot, which he assaults in a rage in his hotel room, hilariously. He also stops a taxi cab in its tracks and
kills a man simply with a bale of hay, but I don’t think you need a black belt to do that. When Matt fully busts out his kung fu in the to-the-death finale, it’s still so stilted and awkward, it’s like watching Ward Cleaver.

The film’s middle is an extended lesson in the sport of karate, during which Ivan won’t stop asking annoying questions (“Why do those chappies have their fingers extended like this?”). Karate sure doesn’t work as a straightforward action film, because it’s largely in a state of inertia, but it works well as a comedy.

As fun as it is, though, this is one of the rare cases of a DVD where the bonus features outweigh the actual feature. Something Weird has packed the disc full of old-school kung-fu trailers from the genre’s ‘70s heyday, in what it calls The Incredible Martial-Arts-Mayhem Kung-Fu Trailer Show.

There are a resplendent 50 previews in all, most of which were seen on the company’s two Martial Arts Mayhem tapes from the late ‘90s. Several superstars of the genre are represented in these coming attractions, including Jackie Chan (Snake Fist Fighter), Bolo Yeung (Chinese Hercules), Jimmy Wang Yu (Master of the Flying Guillotine), Sonny Chiba (The Street Fighter) and Chuck Norris (Slaughter in San Francisco). There’s no Bruce Lee, but plenty of his laughable clones.

A few of these three-minute bites can’t possibly live up to their titles (The Sacred Knives of Vengenance or Slash – The Blade of Death!), while others sport some hardcore concepts that have me thirsting to see the whole thing. Included in this camp are the booby traps a’plenty of Masters of the Iron Arena, the swords-for-rungs ladder of Tower of the Drunken Dragon, The Karate Killer’s deadly hair and the snake-***censored***-goes-crazy plot of Devil Woman.

But best of all are the numerous, head-scratching title cards and ad taglines which seem lost in translation. Some highlights:
• Temple of Death: “FATAL FIGHTING, HUMEROUS” and “WELL GUARANTEE”
• Deadly Strike: “STRON CASTING! NEW STRIKES! RISKS EVERYWHERE!”
• Superfist: “FUGITIVE? DRUG TRAFFICKER? ASSASSINATION! REVENGE!”
• Hammerfist Masters: “Featuring the Charming Lady”
• The Mad, the Mean, and the Deadly: “Furious Fighting That Startle Everybody!”
• Dragons Never Die: “Take your mama to see it before somebody else does!”
• Fury of the Black Belt: “MOVABLE SIGHT IN EVERY SECOND! THE FEELING OF PRESSURE! CARRY OUT FORCE! THE QUESTION OF LOWS! IT IS AN EXPLOSIVE FILM!”

The combination of a wholly obscure martial arts B-movie with hours of fun-filled trailers make this DVD irresistible, and I hope Something Weird continues to release more of the same.

Review by Rod Lott.