The story of POSEIDON concerns the cruise liner of the same name overturned on its hull right at its huge New Year’s Eve party.  Wolfgang Petersen’s (DAS BOOT and THE PERFECT STORM) film, based on Paul Gallico’s book and updated for the present from the 1972 Ronald Neame film THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE, juggles expensive upside-down sets of the sunken vessel to human drama created from the group of survivors making their way up to the bottom of the ship.  This time around, the assorted characters include a professional hustler, Dylan Johns (Josh Lucas), a single mother (Jacinda Barrett) with boy (Jimmy Bennett), suicidal gay Richard (Richard Dreyfuss), Robert Ramsey (Kurt Russell), a single father constantly worrying about his daughter (Emmy Rossum) and fiancé, Chris (hunk Mike Vogel who will make many ladies’ heads turn).  The question of who will or will not survive is well played out.  Though the nasty or good guys have equal chances of being killed off, the little kid will definitely make it.  This critic is yet to see a disaster film where an innocent kid gets it coming.

The special effects are stunning.  The segment of the POSEIDON as it is slowly tilted towards its side after hitting the rogue wave is well crafted, as are the numerous images of people thrown about and dying in various rooms and on deck.  Flash fires and electrocution through water add in reality Petersen’s film.  The starting sunset sequence with Dylan jogging all around the ship sets the mood for the adventure.

But most of the updating of POSEIDON to the present borders on the ridiculous.  Main hero Ramsey is a firefighter and ex-NYC major.  An Homage to 9/11?  Then there is they gay element - the introduction of the Dreyfuss’ character, he first waiting for his ex-boyfriend’s midnight call and then falling for the stowaway Elena (Mia Maestro).  Could it be her screaming mess that reminds him of a queenie ex?  On the plus side, there is no embarrassing huge swimming creature (like Shelley Winters, who won the Oscar for best supporting role) to save the day or repeating song (THE MORNING AFTER).  But film connoisseurs will miss the famous scene in which desperate survivors clamber up the tree to safety as the waters rise below.  (What?  No Christmas tree?)

What started off as an exciting and impressive enterprise finally sinks into clichéd territory.  Good intentions and redemptive characters are the order of the day.  Kitchen help Marco (Freddy Rodriguez) sacrifices his life by letting a passenger ‘go first’.  Hustler Dylan undergoes a change of heart and transformation of character within the shortest period of time likely.  Dialogue lines like - I need you to tell me that you love me; you first! - are unimaginative and laughable.  The made-up set pieces of one disaster after another finally bore one down to the bones.  When the helicopters finally appear two minutes after Dylan fires the flare gun from the life raft, one only wishes one would have already left the theatre to spare watching the survivors cheering and hugging each other.  I never thought much of THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE and will not think much of this update either.  At least the original had better stars and was so unintentionally corny it was funny.