USA, 2004
Director: Jonathan Hensleigh
Cast: Tom Jane, John Travolta

To help introduce cinema audiences to its Punisher – a relatively obscure character not on the household-name level of Spider-Man – Marvel Comics is giving away copies of the 1974 Amazing Spider-Man in which he first appeared to ticketholders. Quaint though the four-color comic is, it was more entertaining than the movie.

Even worse, it’s not half the movie as the first Punisher movie, the much-maligned, straight-to-video 1990 effort starring Dolph Lundgren. Hated by many, I’ve always admired it on a purely B-movie level and felt it was unnecessarily shelved. It’s violent, it’s fun and Dolph is a badass.

And Thomas Jane is not. At least not here. The hero of Deep Blue Sea is the antihero of The Punisher as Frank Castle, a FBI agent who calls it quits after too many grueling undercover jobs, the most recent of which resulted in the accidental death of the son of über-rich businessman Howard Saint, played by John Travolta, here fully ensconced in his honey-baked ham mode of Swordfish, Basic and, well, any role he’s overacted in the past 10 years.

As payback, Saint – oh, the irony! – orders the assassination of Castle and his entire family, conveniently assembled in one place for a family reunion. The entire Castle clan eats it – wife and son included – but Castle himself somehow manages to survive. Donning the black, skull-emblazoned T-shirt his son opportunely gifted him before dying, he calls himself The Punisher, outfits his car and apartment with weapons galore and sets out to take down Saint and all his expensive-suited goons.

There are so many things that feel wrong about The Punisher, it’s hard to know where to start. Making his debut as director, Armageddon screenwriter Jonathan Hensleigh gives his revenge tale an ugly grit that’s supposed to remind audiences of the pistol-packin’ ‘70s, but unfortunately, his story and pacing are reminiscent of ‘70s episodic cop shows. The dialogue is melodramatic and goofy; the score is overwrought and inappropriate. And Jane doesn’t get to do
much punishing.

Aside from the final office-building siege in which Castle doles out some ***censored***-kicking (and neck-penetrating and chin-stabbing), the action is subdued rather than exciting. The film’s big fight scene is supposed to be a mano y mano match between Castle and a mute walking steroid known as “the Russian,” but it’s hard not to laugh since he’s dressed like Baby Huey.

The Punisher is one of the last movies that needs comic relief, but lo and behold, it throws in not one, but two wacky neighbors! It also doesn’t need romance, but Rebecca Romijn-Stamos is there anyway as a heartbroken, downtrodden waitress who takes a shine to Castle. It’s not that the film needs eye candy with Mulholland Drive hussy Laura Harring bouncing across the screen, but what was Hensleigh thinking when he cuts away from her undressing to lingerie?

I’ll assume punishment, just in keeping with the theme of this disappointing film. This character deserves better – and got it, back in 1990. It may not have had John Travolta getting dragged by a car and set on fire, but it had stylized action, down-and-dirty thrills and Dolph, kicking ***censored*** for a good portion of the running time.

Review by Rod Lott.