In Wrong Turn, a few healthy bodied young people find themselves stranded in the woods of West Virginia after a highly unlikely car crash, and then find themselves picked off by a trio of inbred mongoloid redneck (stop me if I’m being redundant) mountain men, given the none-too-subtle monikers of Three-Finger, Saw-Tooth and One-Eye.

Yes, the plot is that simple: Run away from the monsters, get found, run away again. You’d think that in these vast woods that go on for miles, the kids would be able to make an easy escape, yet the deformed villains always find them. It doesn’t help matters that they linger far too long where they shouldn’t. (Helpful hint: If you’re ever in a remote cabin filled with barbed wire, bones, blood and a fridge full of body parts in Tupperware, don’t stay to use the restroom, no matter how strong the urge to pee.)

Among the chased are the never-smiling Eliza Dushku from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the equally unamused Desmond Harrington of Ghost Ship. Their inhuman pursuers are creations of Stan Winston, yet look like slightly above-average Halloween masks. Wrong Turn purports to be an homage to `70s horror, but even that decade’s run-of-the-mill fare wasn’t this telegraphed or repetitive, not to mention bereft of gratuituous nudity. Cabin Fever and House of 1000 Corpses paid tribute far better on every level.

Rod Lott is the publisher of Hitch Magazine: The Journal of Pop Culture Absurdity.